"You're cheating on me with another brother"

Meet... Kevan.
aka... MY NEW BROTHER!!!
AND...
Below I will provide of list things that set "new brother" apart from... well... you know who you are.
Here are the types of things that my "new brother" does and says...
First... Classic "new brother" texting... (after a Jazz game)
"AWESOME!!! Take that Kobe! Nice 3 pt Memo Money!"
See... now this is the kind of text a brother should send.
Something like,
"oh... sorry that your Jazz didn't have it in them. They just aren't good enough to beat the Spurs"
This my friends... NOT good brother texting! And another thing... spending the whole 4th quarter typing such trash, is like twisting the knife! This is the kind of garbage that is not appreciated by amazing/hero-ish/best person I know and want to be just like, sisters should have to endure. It's really sad... just plain sad!

He

1. Can admit that i am funnier than him. He just accepts truth as truth!
2. NEVER utters garbage like "I'm not in the mood for this EVER!" at her while sighing and pinching the brim of his nose, or "I've killed for less than this!" when all his sister is doing is trying to be nice and loving and provide him with the best life, and brother sister relationship she possibly can.
3. He NEVER throws his child's rolled up dirty, nasty, poop infested diaper at his sister in an effort to satisfy his own amusement! I'm tearing up right now just thinking about it.
4. HE NEVER EVER EVER uses his sister as a threat when disciplining his children by saying such things as "If you don't stop it I'm sending to you to play at aunt Tahnee's!" (sniff, sniff... tear).
5. He never blames his gross man-like sounds and smells on her either!!!!!(that one deserved 5 exclamation points!)
6. He makes time to go sledding with his sister... AND IT ROCKS!!! (I'm opting to leave out other things like ultimate frisbee, basketball, horse shoes, nerts, capture the flag, etc. I didn't want to create large lists in an effort to make a point).
7. He believes Twilight is NOT and never will be anywhere NEAR inappropriate reading material.
8. He likes vampires over werewolves and believes EDWARD FAR EXCEEDS JACOB IN EVERY WAY!
9. Wally's head was NOT put on his body, and he would never utter such ridiculous lies!
10. His sisters did NOT try to kill him growing up, and he is NOT ruined emotionally because of them.
11. He accepts that his sister can out shoot him.
12. He does not argue at the dinner table with 7 year olds in an effort to prove that his smarter than them. Nor does he yell at them and say "HEY! I'm in college!!!" to prove that he is smarter than said 7 year old homeschooler. (shaking head)
13. His conversation topics consist of more than "do you know that this dirt is so old it was here when our pre-ancestor, ancestors roamed the earth as apes.
14. He would admit that his wife is laughing right now due to the context of the above mentioned characteristic, AND admit once and for all that his sister has far exceeded his pee wee level of humor.
15. When it is diaper changing time, he does not call for Aunt Tahnee to try and convince her, in a way that degrades her level of expertise, that it is "her turn to change the diaper" EVEN THOUGH... they are not even her kids. (I would also like to point out for the record that Cool Aunt Tahnee has changed her fair share of diapers, and never once complained about it).
16. He does not "borrow'' his sisters personal belongings, keep them FOR MONTHS, and then try to tell her that borrow means you keep it until the owner asks for it back. He KNOWS that this is called STEALING!!!
17. When his children "act out" he does not say they "got that from Aunt Tahnee".
18. He can perform magic tricks without messing them up.
19. He compliments her on her new hair color and does not say rude things like "Hey Tahnee... what color is your hair this week?"
20. He does not tell her she is 4 foot nothing, and then laugh about it!

The following ridiculous display, recently flooded my voice mail, (not from "new brother"...

"Does our brother/sister relationship mean NOTHING to you?"

"I have given you the best years of my life!"

"NEVER in all my life have I been treated so horribly!"

And... (drum roll please)
"I know what's going on here... YOU ARE CHEATING ON ME WITH ANOTHER BROTHER!!!"

Well... to that I say DING, DING, DING!!!

Oh... and Kevan would let me sell his Michael Jordan jersey on amazon because they are going for thousands of dollars right now... and let me keep all the profit to myself. He's just amazing like that.

WELL... I feel much better getting this off my chest! Phew!!!