My Fantastic Morning

My morning actually dates back to early Saturday morning when I look over at my water bottle by my bed and want a drink but before I grab for it I notice this dark thing in the mouth piece on the straw- I look closer- Yep, pretty sure that's an earwig. SICK! I take it upstairs, wash, sanitizse, run through the hot dishwasher.
Last night I get the water bottle out of the dishwasher and fill it up. This morning at 3:30am I awake very parched. I reach over and grab the water bottle and think, I should look for any earwigs- NAH... what are the chances. I suck in water- SICKEST THING EVER!!! There was an earwig in the straw AGAIN!!!! FREAKING AGAIN!- Are you kidding me!!!!! I obviously freak out like a crazy person- spitting it out. SPITTING MORE, MORE, MORE! Rubbing the inside of my mouth with my sleeve over and over and over again. SERIOUSLY!!!! Grossest thing ever! I wanted to swear! Then I get up and go to the bathroom and a stupid red spider graces me with it's presence on the floor. I am eyeballing it and scared and wondering how I can kill this thing, it runs under my bath mat just where it's folded a teeny bit and I stomp on the mat to kill it. SUCCESS! It gets flushed. I got back in my room and obviously creeped out by the events that just unfolded I pull all my covers off. HEre's the thing, I rarely see bugs in my rooms, RARELY! Anyway... I pull back all my covers and NOTHING. Phew! I run upstairs and get an actual drink of water from the tap- bug free! Go back to bed. Can't sleep because i keep "feeling" bugs on me and so I finally get up and go in and take a bath. I grab my towel to dry off- a big black spider falls off of it. I freak out and chuck the thing. It was my last towel. There isn't another one there. I am eyeballing the spider so I know exactly where it is. It crawls up the side of the tub- THAT I AM IN, and I just across the room to the other bath mat and look up. On the wall in front of me is another ginormous black spider. I whine the phrase "Are you kidding me!" I look back and the other spider is now climbing in my bathtub and I am looking at his gigantic friend on the wall so I start to think- how I am going MURDER these two so I can calm down and get ready. I grab my handy dandy hairspray and pretty much go to town on the one on the wall while loads of hairspray is running down the wall I think -I'll clean that up later! I soak him and he doesn't move- probably because he can't and hopefully is dying a slow and miserable PARALYZING death! JERK!!! Then I go grab a shoe and moosh it. I proceed to the bathtub to take care of intruder 3. He is no where to be found. SERIOUSLY!!! Does someone just want to crap on my face this morning? I might not even notice. I look and look for it and think... CRAP! I have to find this thing or there is NO WAY I will get in this tub again and I can't go around bathless and stinky and GROSS! It's been about 45 minutes at this point and I wanted to get to work really early cause I am leaving early to go up to girls camp. UGH!!!! I decide to get ready but I keep looking in the tub periodically. I couldn't find him and I had to leave. Everywhere I walked I felt like I kept seeing spiders. I got in my car, started it and started to cry. I sat there and cried like a little baby over my horrific morning. Good FREAKING morning to me!!! I was so tired on the drive in that it worried me I would fall asleep at the wheel so I tried to leave the AC cold but then I'd get chills and it was NOT GOOD! Luckily I made it in safely but currently there is a stupid blasted spider in my bathtub/bathroom thinking it outsmarted me. I hope it's enjoying itself because I'm about to call Dave to go down and find it and MURDER IT, and if he doesn't, SO HELP ME that thing will not survive this day!!!!! A spider WILL NOT get the best of me.