Well... it's official. I broke in my co-workers with an official Tahnee break down cry today. I felt like a complete idiot. I sobbed. They gave me a tissue. And yeah, pretty much it was not one of my proudest moments. When I cry my eyes stay red for a long time, so pretty much everyone knows I've been crying, even if it's an hour later. It sucks.
The saddest part is that at one point today, I was sitting at my desk and all of a sudden I just felt this really warm feeling of the spirit. It was amazing. I wasn't even doing anything that you would normally think would merit it. I was just working, minding my own business, doing my job. And slowly it came on. It didn't last incredibly long, but it felt good. I have been doing a lot of studying in my personal time lately and Uncle J has been assisting with that. We have had some really good talks the last couple days. It's been awesome. I have really had some great personal revelation. When I felt that warm incredible feeling of the spirit today it was like the Lord was giving me a hug because he knew what was coming. I really believe that.
Let's just say that not everyone on my new floor has given me a warm inviting welcome, or made the transition easy. Even though I cried like a stinkin' baby, I felt so much love and understanding from the people who actually work with me that it made it okay. They listened, hugged me, gave me a tissue, and I just knew that regardless of what anyone else there thinks, the people I work with think great things about me. It also feels good to know that the amazing man that is my boss has my back, NO MATTER WHAT. I know there will be people that will hurt me (luckily in this situation my association with them is mostly in passing). My job is to be pleasant and kind, and feel lucky that I don't have to make everyone my friend. For that unwritten law, I am grateful. We are required to love others, but we don't have to "let them in". That is a blessing. And really, the reality is, it's okay if I never feel like I "fit in" up there, because I fit in with the the design crew, and really that's all that matters.
Tahnee Tahnee Tahnee I stinkin love your guts! I am so sorry that you have to deal with that. I feel the same way about missing Cedar City even though my new co-workers are very kind. I hope you know I am thinking of you!!
ReplyDeleteHey Tahnee....I read your post today and knew exactly how you felt! I started my new job almost a year ago! It was a struggle. I am the ONLY girl in the office and had a very hard time to transition myself into not having a girl to talk to or to laugh with....guys are kind of stupid in that way lol! Keep your chin up, just know you are there for a reason and it will all work out :)
ReplyDeleteTahnee.... I can only say that I know EXACTLY how you feel. First, I need to apologize for not being more welcoming to you while I was up there. I had been beaten into the ground while I was on that floor and any confidence I had was gone. Luckily, as you said, you don't have to let everyone in. I'm proud of you for being so strong. And I can't tell enough how much the flowers you gave me meant. Thank you so much. I think about them and what they meant and the sweet card all the time. You are a beautiful person inside and out and what ever you do... DON'T let those power hungry individuals get you down! (You are lucky to work with great people in that corner!)
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